Freedom

I am walking on this road, a very familiar road, in fact the only road that I am familiar with. This is the road on which I have done all my walking, running, crawling and kneeling. Everything I know in life is on this road, everything that I have seen and touched is on this road and yet, and yet I don’t want this road anymore; I don’t want to be here or touch or see the things that I have seen and known all my life. How do I go anywhere else, how do I find that way out? Whenever I try seeing the path ahead the road ends dead, and when I turn back something pulls me further into this road, I first struggle to free myself but the thing that pulls me doesn’t let me do that either. I walk further into that road and lose myself on the way, I never bother to find me, and I just walk in leaving me behind. Time passes, I have by then developed a new complex refined me. The new I too begin to want to be away from this road. I am confused. Why does this always happen? Why can’t I just fit in and bring peace within and around? I so let myself obey that smoky vague force which never lets me out and live on losing myself more and more. Time passes, the cycle repeats. Now, all I want is to go away, I am suffocating, I need to go or else I am going to suffocate myself till I can no longer do even that. I beat down the smoky force and run away, I run so fast that the wall encompassing the road passes me in such swiftness as if they didn’t want me there either. I am out of breath, my legs are wobbling and I can no longer run or even remain standing. I fall on the ground and my head goes blank. I don’t close my eyes as I am afraid that the smoky force would win me back. I hope there was somebody to help me, somebody who could show me the way out, I look around and see no one. Not a single soul. Then a while later I see a group of people walking towards me, I am initially scared but then I see them smiling and I am happy. I force myself up and smile as they reach me, but to my dismay, they walk past me, not a single person notices me. They just didn’t see me there. I am disappointed, but I anyway decide to follow them. I resume walking. I walk a few steps and then I realize I am not walking at all but imagining that I am. I shake myself up and try walking only to see before me the dead end of the road. I am broken, tears well up in my eyes, I scream, but I know only I could hear my scream. I also knew that the smoky force was grinning at me from behind. I turn around and stare at it with all the hatred I have never known I had had. I refuse to go near it; I knew it would swallow me if I made a step at it. I settle myself in the middle of the dead end and the ghost figure, the force. I decide to sit there until the dead end clears and offer me a way out. The ghost patiently waits for me on the other side. I am there for a very long time. Loneliness eats me up. I feel miserable, unwanted, unloved. I look at the ghost, it is asking me to follow it, promises me to let me out. I ask the ghost why would it let me out and it says “I would let you out because now you know it’s there with me or nowhere” I am infuriated by that remark, I ask “where would you leave me to if it is there or nowhere?” the ghost, smoky force then says “I would let you out of misery, I would leave you to fit in. I would let you find your way out”. My fury is gone; I say “thank you” but the ghost is no more there. There is no grey force waiting to swallow me up. I am freed. I am free to find my way out, and I guess now I know how. I look up; the grey dull ceiling has disappeared. Now I see the blue beautiful sky, I am overflowing with joy. I am freed.